Dead but alive.

When your heart is hollow and you don’t feel.

But tears they fall as you speak, you don’t know why, you don’t know how, it just falls down

Words won’t come up when someone asks why. My heart is a bit dead and a little scared inside.

They don’t know why I cry at night, they don’t know why even though I laugh all day, I feel afraid deep inside.

They always think I am the happy cheerful girl who lives in a happy little world

But darling there is something that is so deep and dark that’s within my heart, I can’t seem to tell you that I fear people, I fear making friends, I hate talking to people because I am so scared, what if I say something wrong and make things worse, what if I do things that makes people curse.

Nowadays I cry all day and I cry all night, all the sleepless night, I fight my own mind.

I have no reason to be this depressed but fuck this shit I am somehow so fucking compressed.

The thoughts that must wander are the better goods but I don’t know what’s wrong with my mind it always thinks the worst.

Now friends ask me reasons for why I am so sad but all I can say is I don’t know why but I feel so hollow inside.

Friends, they worry but I have nothing to tell as I don’t know the reason why I fear.

They want to show me light when darkness is all I see.

Can they pull me from this empty room full of demons and doom is all I seem to think.

I want to have someone near me, hold me and say everything is fine, hug me tight and tell me the world is abyss but you can find heaven in people’s dreams, that they can be happy even though life is cursed and all you see is grims.

You will be happy and sad and angry life goes on and so will you.

I want someone to be there just to calm me down.

For today

Tomorrow is never guaranteed, but today I love you.

As the time flies and the sun sets and rise, slowly I fall for you.

You are the blue sky, the stars, the moon and everything bright, that made this dull and dark part of me light up like Christmas lights.

All I want is to meet you, kiss you and love you.

But for now, all I can do is envision you with me, us drinking coffee, kissing, cuddling and all the small little things I want to do with you.


Your hugs, the antidote to this poisonous world of mine.

Your kisses, the blessing from heaven, in my lips they are divine.

Your hands, your hands they give me warmth that I yearned for, for a very long time.

Your words, they give me courage in life and brings the smile where it was me just frowning once upon a time.

Your soul so pure, you heart made of gold, every thoughts of you makes me want to cling on to you even more.

You’re the angel dropped from heaven to relief me from this misery and you may go overboard one day leaving me.

But till then you are mine and I am yours to keep.🤍🤍🤍


The words to define you are the words I can hardly find.

You are like the ocean, wide, deep and secretive full of hidden parts to be explored.

You are like the mountains, strikingly beautiful but high above that I cannot reach.

Loving you would be tragic, loving you would be precious, loving you would be peaceful.

But it would also mean daring, a whole new level of hardship,a new territory, searching for the hidden parts of you yet to be found.

This love is hard but I would take all the risk in my life to love you.

I Will always want to go deep and find the precious gems and your hidden treasures.

I want to go high above and see the immense beauty that you hide inside of you.

I would risk my everything and be with nothing just to be with you for eternity.

Journey to the neverland

Lights are out and night sky is lit.

Stars, they shine bright and the moon beams.

The sound of the cicadas and crickets.

Fresh air and hint of wet soil somewhere near.

Rain pouring down, whistling sounds of the cigarette burning down.

Drifting away from reality to the place where magical creatures live.

The place in space full of stars and world where things are bizarre

 From fairy tales and back to reality, the world starts spinning again.

Move on, they say

Move on, they said. but they don’t know how hard it is to move on.

It took us years to leave that person and it may take more than that to forget that person.

Already suffering and suffered, hurt and broke.

You are waiting for your Mr Right but all the time when the Mr Right is next to you, you keep on remembering the past and ruin your future.

People that come in life after that are like trial and errors, you get hurt once and you forget how love again.

How to move on when all you ever have is memories of that one person you loved the most and that person hurt you like hell.


Every once in a while when you take a look at that girl that’s the most bubbliest, you can see that she also hides her pain in that beautiful smile, you can see her tears ready to fall.

She is a different person when she is around you and complete stranger when she is alone.

She becomes the sad person that she is, who has had her heart broken and shattered. The one who went through all those traumas.

You can see it for only a split second but that person is still in her. She still has those memories.

But she is also the person who overcame it and has the energy to be enjoying the moment .

And you need to realize that even if she looks so happy, she has demons in her heart and ghosts in her head that haunts her at night and makes her have tears in her eyes while she is about to sleep wondering in bed.

She maybe crying the whole night and laughing the whole day. She maybe crying deep inside and faking the smile. Make her feel that is worth all the happiness in life because she needs to hear it


Memories of all those promises that we vowed to keep are flashing today like a hurricane taking all these happiness away.

False hopes and false promises that we make to each other, that at the end gets broken just to make our heart break again.

Bound to be broken, the rules they say. Bound to broken, those worthless promises.

The vows to love each other till the death do us apart and love each other even after that are broken promises that never gets fulfilled at the end. We just get distant and more distant are our faith for each other.

Life is with uncertainty and promises can’t always be fulfilled. We loathe people that we loved the most and we love the people we hated the most. Our friends are our enemies and sometimes the enemies become our friends

Promise to keep the secret, promise to love each other forever, promises of never cheating, promise to never lie, promise to be always there are the worst kind of promises when not fulfilled and promises in general are the worst because not all promises makes till the end.

Middle life crisis

So when I was small, I always thought I wish I was a grown-up. Looking at grown-ups made me feel like I would enjoy being a free, whatever I want to do person

But it seems growing up is totally different. It’s growing up and not only in age but also in every thing, like how you mature through your hard works. How you get to know what you want and can’t do it because your parents don’t agree to that and you have to pursue something you are not interested in. It’s hard work and tough life.

You have some good moments, you have some crazy moments where you go crazy and feel depressed and shit.

Growing up is hard and all I want is to go back to when I was a child. Being pampered was easier and fun.

Now it’s all pain and hardwork and independent freedom


You start out as a stranger, then you become friends. You get to know each other and then suddenly you get this feelings that you never felt before. And all of a sudden baam you fall in love with a stranger that became Friends then twisted it into some couple thing.

You two are intertwined by fate, by force.

But if you start out as a stranger and without progress of friends and relation, you happen to have good time with eachother, what does it count as.

Love is not just a feeling, I believe it’s a responsibility that we are not yet ready to handle. It takes time and learning to make love work and make relation work and it’s too hard these days to handle that. You are too scared to fall in love, to have that feeling control you